*Stolen Ducks Gear Update!

A big thanks so far to cricketing luminaries such as Jonathan Agnew, Mark Butcher, Shaun Udal and Paul Nixon amongst others who have been retweeting our #clippedducks message in an attempt to spread the word. Also, a big thanks to Wimbledon Corinthians who have been the first to step in and offer some help!

After a gruelling season in almost every way possible, it's nice to know that there's some humanity left in the (cricketing) world...

#duckswillrise

*BREAKING NEWS* - Ducks Cricket Gear Stolen

We thought the season couldn't get any worse, but it just has. The Golden Ducks cricket bag, containing pads, gloves, bats, boxes, balls etc has been stolen from the car boot of paceman Charles Allison. In a desperate charity plea, PR guru Jon Yarker has begun a twitter campaign to get second hand gear donated. Can you help?!

The Golden Ducks vs The Entertainers, 06/07/2014

Clouds gathered over Clapham Common Oval

The Entertainers 207/2

Arblaster 2/31

Cansick 0/34

The Golden Ducks 171/6

Cooper 64* (30)

Stoate 31* (13)

“Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose.”

On a balmy summer evening, the new look Ducks reported for duty with a justified optimism. Despite this positivity, it must be mentioned that the team was lucky to have not sustained any serious pre-match injuries, after a particularly feisty nets session in which an embittered Allison, who had been left out of the lineup for reasons unknown, made it his mission to injure a number of players. Rodwell and Jon 'iron thighs' Yarker were both victims, and Allison was heard aggressively muttering "where's the new ball? I'm gonna chuck down a few bouncers to him" when bowling at debutant Stoate.

With fresh injuries avoided, the team news for the landmark 10th game was thus; Allison and Einsmann were out of the team, being replaced by Roe and Stoate. On paper this did make the bowling lineup look considerably weaker, but the flipside was that the batting lineup appeared stronger. Tit for tat. Kind of. With Cansick more than aware of this, the skipper chose to insert The Entertainers after winning the toss, a not unreasonable decision.

Shorn of his partner in crime, Arblaster would have to shoulder the burden of the bowling responsibility, and luckily enough for The Ducks, the Yorkshireman looked in fine fettle from the off. Rodwell had boldly forecasted Arblaster to take two wickets pre-match, eventually being proven right.

With Arblaster taking care of his business, the big question mark was how The Ducks would fill the remaining 16 overs of bowling. Cooper, Stoate, Rodwell and Cansick are all capable of moments of brilliance on their day, but would it all come together? Whilst the game isn’t played on paper, pre-match predictions of a slightly shaky bowling performance were not wide of the mark, unlike a lot of the team’s bowling. Indeed, Rodwell and Cansick deserve special mentions (or, naming and shaming) for some regrettably comical wides.

The onslaught began almost from the off: After a solid first over from Arblaster, the opening batsmen of The Entertainers, including the wonderfully named Wohanka (I could be wrong, but I think the ‘o’ is silent), sensed an opportunity to open their arms and play a few shots. The first man to be targeted was Arblaster’s opening partner for the day, poor old Cooper, who did bowl far better than his figures (0-54) suggested. Indeed, it has been noted recently that Cooper is now bringing some of that famous venom – once reserved for the nets – into his match bowling.

As the run rate hovered at around 10 an over through the opening overs, it was then time for Stoate, Rodwell, and eventually Cansick, to try their luck. While there were some uncharacteristic misfields from The Ducks off all the bowlers throughout the innings, the bowlers couldn’t just blame this and the runs kept flowing, mostly on the leg side. In spite of this, Cansick (0-34) and Stoate (0-36) did produce somewhat respectable figures from their 4 overs; Stoate giving his growing fanbase glimpses of what’s to come in the future.

Despite being wicketless approaching the end of the innings, the boys in yellow kept their heads and, with The Entertainers looking to really dominate, The Ducks surprisingly asserted the tiniest semblance of control; helped in part by finally taking the powerplay. It was a rare relief to temporarily stem the flow of boundaries for those 3 overs, and for Rodwell (0-45), whose first 3 overs went for 39, it was a nice respite to at least finish positively, only conceding 6 in his final over.

As rarely happens with The Ducks, the best was actually saved ‘til last. Not too hard when the previous 19 overs had proved completely fruitless. Arblaster steamed in and picked up not one, but two well-deserved wickets; the first was a glorious yorker on leg stump that would’ve dismissed far better players than their number 5, and the second was an impressive catch by Cooper in the deep, who held on despite heckling from Allison. I don’t think it would’ve been overstating things too much to suggest that going wicketless through 20 overs would’ve represented close to a new low, but Arblaster (2-31) made sure we didn’t have to go down that road, and in the process, joined Allison as joint-leading wicket taker.

As Chairman Allison was sidelined, he was at least at least able to offer a ‘view from the sidelines’: “We were nervous with our bowling – [the lads] just need to loosen up and worry less when bowling to show our true potential, as the likes of Coops and Gav have been [doing] with the bat in recent weeks.” The skipper acknowledged what we knew pre-match, “Obviously we were limited in terms of bowling options,” but was positive in pointing out that, “we still kept them to a respectable total compared to our previous games.”

With 208 to chase, it was always going to be a tricky challenge for The Ducks, but fans and pundits alike had been licking their lips at the prospect of Roe opening up (with Rodwell at the other end). However, it must be said, the pressure – whilst jovial – that was heaped on the young man’s shoulders was perhaps slightly unfair, and was never going to end well. Indeed, ‘mockers’ were confirmed when, two balls after hitting a stunning straight drive, Roe (6 off 6) perished; getting the faintest of edges on what was a very good delivery from their young opening bowler.

Both opening bowlers, contrasting in their styles – the languid, tall and classical medium-fast bowler, coupled with the young tearaway who steamed in like a madman – were providing challenges, but Cansick and Rodwell kept to task, scoring relatively quickly. Cansick had looked in good touch, even pulling out ‘The Cansick’ on occasion much to the delight of the partisan crowd, but his aggression proved to be his downfall. Having reached 12 off just 6 balls, the skipper went for his favoured cover drive, but the ball was a tad too straight, meaning Cansick succeeded only in edging behind to a handily placed ‘deep slip’.

A relaxed Cooper strolled to the crease next; him and Rodwell had been here many times before and set about their job in a becalmed manner. With the opening bowlers seen off, Cooper began to enjoy himself, smashing the white rock to all parts of the ground. Even Rodwell was getting in on the act, hitting the odd boundary; the highlight being a lofted straight drive that came straight out of the sweet spot of ‘The Beast’.

With Richards, who is undoubtedly in the form of his life, waiting in the wings, and Cooper and Rodwell keeping the required rate at around 12 an over – no mean feat considering the starting target – things were going remarkably well. Too well perhaps. Sure enough, Rodwell (31 off 18), who had been struggling slightly with the pull shot, and was finding it difficult against the new bowler (well let’s be honest, he was a chucker) came through too early on another attempted pull, and was soon taking that lonely walk back to the sidelines. As Richie Benaud would say, "He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't get it up that time."

Cooper acknowledging the crowd

Not to worry, Richards was in and sensibly chose to get Cooper on strike as often as was possible, whilst hitting a couple of lovely boundaries of his own, keeping the crowd on the sidelines excited. The way Cooper had been striking the ball suggested a first 50 of the season was on the way, and sure enough, the big man was soon striding back towards the boys on the side, bat raised, beaming from ear to ear. The Ducks naturally afforded him a well-deserved standing ovation.

We were now entering a tricky period; whilst the batsmen so far had done some sterling work, the required rate was still high and only getting higher. Yarker walked in and hit a lovely shot to get off the mark, but the pressure was undoubtedly on, and despite some big swings, he was soon back on the boundary enjoying a warm kronenbourg, having been caught.

What followed was all a bit of a blur. Every shot was big one, but more often than not they weren’t connecting. Richards (20) was eventually out after a battling innings. Arblaster (6) rocked up, smashed a glorious 4 over cow corner, and then was soon on his way back. I think everyone wanted to get out so they could enjoy the show that was about to unfold in the middle.

Stoate in disbelief after his 31*

Stoate was getting warm; there had been a few plays and misses, but he had practiced his full repertoire of strokes. At the other end, Cooper was quickly back in the action, chasing the team’s highest individual score. What happened next was simply astonishing; almost every ball that was bowled down was smacked for 4 or 6. The chuckers were used. The opening bowlers were brought back. Nothing could stem the flow of runs!

Two stunning performances – Cooper finished unbeaten on 64, off of just 30 balls, while Stoate contributed a barely believable 31 not out, off just 13 balls, on his debut no less. The exciting end to the match, coupled with the team’s highest score, meant the team could retire to the pub a satisfied bunch.

Indeed, the general mood amongst The Ducks was fairly positive, and rightly so. The boys had bounced back very well in light of a disappointing victory last week. Cansick acknowledged that, “Whilst a win was a long shot, we were never completely out of the game. It's another positive performance despite the defeat, so it's a case of taking what positives we can.” Aside from the obvious positives found in our batting, Cansick pronounced that, “It was great to add to the pool of players, with Chris adding an air of calm and control to the field and George demonstrating the all-round abilities we knew he possessed.”

"What is defeat? Nothing but education; nothing but the first steps to something better." We're ten games in now, and ten defeats later, one can only suppose that we're ten steps towards something better. I'm not sure how many steps it takes until victory, but I think the first part of the journey might so be over...

Golden Ducks Montage!

Ducks social media man, Jon Yarker, has expertly put together a little teaser video of what The Ducks are all about - a 'season so far' if you will. Excellent work Jon. Hope you all enjoy it as much as I did! 

Remember to follow us at https://twitter.com/GoldenDucksLMS

Match Reports

Match reports are now up for every fixture that The Golden Ducks have played in, including the recent grudge match against Two Bats!

Despite the blog only just appearing, the reports have been in circulation from the off and hopefully these will paint a picture of The Golden Ducks and our players!

The Golden Ducks vs Two Bats, 29/06/2014

The Golden Ducks 139/7
Rodwell 46 (35)
Richards 32 (14)

Two Bats or Not To Bat 141/3
Cooper 1/21
Arblaster 1/26

"If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain!"

In what was labelled the biggest game in the fledgling career of The Golden Ducks, it was only natural that there were some nerves floating around pre-match. Players live for games like this, and it’s not often they come around. Could we write ourselves into the record books? Was today the day?

What started off as a glorious day full of hope and expectation soon descended into an afternoon of worry and uncertainty. And that was just the weather! With pathetic fallacy in full flow, threatening clouds gathered over Clapham Common Oval, forcing the ducklings under cover. Sure enough, with rain around, Cansick chose to have a bat when he called correctly at the toss. Rain and cloud equal good batting conditions, right? In chasing that elusive first victory, the Ducks knew they would have to do so without their stalwart and all-round good guy Jon Yarker, who magnanimously stepped aside in order to allow a stronger bowling lineup.

In another re-jig (the Ducks have yet to keep the same batting lineup, or opening pair, in any two consecutive matches this season) Rodwell and Cooper opened up. With the Ducks targeting around 150/160, the opening pair set off accordingly. Runs were flowing, with Cooper looking in good form and Rodwell content to rotate the strike. Things were going according to plan for the Ducks with the score reaching 30-odd after just 4 overs. What came next wasn't in the script though, as Cooper chased a slightly wide one and had to depart, having been caught, for a breezy 19 (off 14).

Cansick strode purposefully to the crease, determined to keep up the good start. And he and Rodwell did just that - carrying on at a rate of just over 8 an over. The Skipper was taking advantage of some leg-side bowling - stroking some nice boundaries and collecting wides too - to help accelerate the score. The Ducks were getting close to the halfway mark of their innings and looking good for a big score, but nothing is ever quite plain sailing when the Ducks are concerned…

Off the first ball of the 9th over, Rodwell hit an innocuous enough shot behind square on the off-side for what looked like yet another 2, but something wasn’t quite right. The opener felt a sharp pain in his head, and despite getting through for one, Rodwell had to turn down an easy second as he went down clutching his head. There was a short delay as the flagging batman attempted to recover from what was later diagnosed as a pinched nerve. When play did continue, just two balls later, one ball after hitting a glorious four, Cansick (19 off 12) was gone. Despite modestly admitting that, “I might have gone next ball I faced”, Cansick shouldn’t really have been facing at that point. And to literally add insult to injury, the new batsman, Allison, was caught at cover two balls later, gone for 2. An eventful over to say the least.

Following the completion of that over, a lengthier delay ensued as a Two Bats player received treatment from 9th man-cum-physio Yarker on what turned out to be a broken finger. Richards was now at the crease with Rodwell, but wasn’t to face a ball for all of 3 overs as Rodwell unfortunately struggled to regain any kind of fluency after the restart. Rodwell (46 off 35) was put out of misery soon after, falling agonisingly close to another 50.

Despite seeming well set at one stage, the Ducks were floundering somewhat; with 13 overs gone, 86 runs were on the board for the loss of 4 wickets. The stage was set for Richards, who had fallen to some unlucky dismissals in recent weeks, to steal the show. Helped by some useful lower-order contributions from Einsmann (7 off 14), Arblaster (5* off 3) and Proctor (7 off 5), Richards blasted his way to a glorious 32 off of just 14 balls, finding the boundary with ease, and dragging the Ducks to 139 off their 20 overs, a score that the boys fancied their chances of defending.

Whilst it may have been a defendable total, the Ducks knew they would have to be on top of their game to stand a chance of winning, and everything certainly started well enough for the boys in yellow. Abandoning the three-prong attack, Allison and Arblaster were given full responsibility for spearheading the Ducks charge. Sure enough, after a tight opening over from Allison, Arblaster struck, clean bowling one of the openers for a duck. Spirits were high, and continued to rise as Two Bats struggled to score with any sense of fluency.

Despite the Two Bats innings opening in glorious sunshine, the storm clouds were gathering once more and the rain soon arrived. Far from aiding the Ducks in their quest, it posed a few problems. The ball was hard to grip, started to deteriorate rather rapidly, and the outfield was now starting to speed up as well as getting dangerously slippy for the fielders.

Whilst the batsmen were not scoring particularly freely, runs were still being accumulated. One could sense that heads were starting to gradually drop; something special was needed. Sure enough, with the opener back on the sidelines (having been retired at 50), and Coops starting to bowl with a venom that is usually reserved for the nets, Two Bats’ well set no. 3 popped one up to the eager Proctor, who took a decent catch at midwicket. Rather than go into exuberant celebration, Proctor and Rodwell instinctively combined to grab a much need Double Play! As Two Bats grumbled about nothing, the exuberant celebrations then began.

Knowing that a chance was there for the taking, Cansick had little choice but to go for the jugular. Allison and Arblaster were recalled, knowing they needed just one breakthrough to grab control of the match. Allison, sure enough, forced a chance, but the luckless Ducks returned to their old ways in the field, managing to let a catchable chance slip through tiring fingers in the wet weather. Heads were beginning to drop once more and, try as they may, there was no way through Two Bats’ no. 6 (who had only played one game for them so far this season) as he smashed his way to an unbeaten 49 off just 21 balls, and won the match for Two Bats.

Although Cansick pulled no punches when admitting that the result was, “extremely disappointing, particularly after the importance we placed on this game,” he did offer some positive, encouraging words: “I think we'll benefit from the experience of having to defend a target, in particular dealing with nerves and making tactical decisions.”

Despite the disappointment, which lasted beyond just the Sunday – Allison was one of the few to admit that he was “still gutted” the day after the match – now that the dust has settled, we must put everything in perspective and accept that progress is still being made. When The Golden Ducks were formed on the morning of Saturday 19th April by three and a half men who were still drunk from the night before, I don’t think anyone could have imagined how far we would come in a short space of time, even if that has not yet translated into victories. We must take pride too that we’re one of the few teams to rely on a settled squad; only 10 players have turned out for The Golden Ducks this season, a close-knit squad that will continue to grow.

Sure, this felt like a watershed moments for the Ducks, and defeat, especially in that manner, is never an easy pill to swallow. Who knows though, we may yet meet Two Bats again this season; Cansick’s suggestion of an end-of-season ‘friendly’ was met with a noncommittal grunt from the opposition captain.

The skipper had some final words to offer: “We've had other close games in the first half of the season, so we just have to focus on the return fixtures. The season certainly isn't over, so it's vital we stay positive.”

“One last thing before you go though / When you feel better tomorrow you’ll be a hero / But never forget today / You could be here / Things can stray…”

The Golden Ducks vs Dicket, 29/06/2014

Cheering on The Ducks from the sideline

Dicket 235/4
Proctor 1/38
Allison 1/38
Arblaster 1/38

The Golden Ducks 86 a/o
Richards 20 (14)
Cooper 19 (8)

“After the Lord Mayor’s show…”

In horrific fielding conditions – at least two injuries were sustained in the outfield – The Golden Ducks surprisingly put in one of their better fielding performances. The team did well to not let their heads drop too much, embrace the spirit of cricket, and have a bit of fun.

Bowling and batting orders were both reserved, and although a full write up of the match is certainly not necessary, it would be remiss of me to not hand out some special mentions.

In the bowling department, kudos goes to Proctor and Allison for managing to clean bowl, not one, but two Dicket batsmen, both of who were unable to deal with mystery spin deliveries.

The batting was always going to be tough going against an excellent fielding unit. Indeed, it was almost a case of death by spin for the most part. But there is still room for special mentions, which go to Richards, who carried on from where he left off against Two Bats, and Cooper, who provided a very entertaining cameo, even managing to rile up Jan Koller by smashing him for consecutive boundaries.

The skipper was unavailable for a post-match comment.

The Golden Ducks vs DTL, 22/06/2014

The evolution of The Ducks

The DTL 242/3

Arblaster 2/44
Allison 1/35

The Golden Ducks 106/6

Rodwell 59* (37)
Allison 13* (11)

“Any coward can fight a battle when he's sure of winning; but give me the man who has pluck to fight when he's sure of losing.”

As the Golden Ducks rocked up on a hot and humid Sunday, a couple feeling slightly worse for wear (and one sans Duck shirt!), they were as determined as ever to put in a good performance, especially with Super Sunday coming up next week. This match marked the halfway point in the season, and also providing motivation was the unconfirmed rumours that the DTL might be huge wankers. These rumours were quickly confirmed. Regardless, with defeat against a solid-looking outfit (who had come very close against Dicket and Mpingwe) likely, the Ducks took the option of bowling first.

The opening trio of Allison, Arblaster and Einsmann bowled excellently first up. Allison looked particularly fired up, having been the first victim of the DTL’s atrocious banter when it was commented that he had “a bizarre action!” Indeed, in the opening 6 overs only 42 runs were conceded and two wickets were taken – both by Arblaster, who was delighted to break his wicket drought.

The first breakthrough came as early as the second over, when one of the openers tried to go too big, too early. Perhaps he thought he saw Cansick fielding at long on, but with star fielder Hollis stationed out there, there was no way the catch was going down. With the runs not exactly flowing, another wicket came in Arblaster’s next over – this time, ‘Blaster’ dropped one in slightly shorter and found the top edge, with the ball being safely pouched by Rodwell at gully. Arblaster had been waiting 5 weeks for a wicket, and then 2 come along at once – it’s a funny old game eh? On top of that, Hollis and Rodwell added their names to the growing list of Ducks who have now taken a catch.

With the DTL ever so slightly under the cosh, the match was approaching an important phase. Cansick had been talking up the middle-over bowlers in recent weeks, not unreasonably, but unfortunately they weren’t able to keep a lid on proceedings this week. With the batsman starting to free their arms, and putting the pressure firmly back on the bowlers, an eye-watering 113 runs were conceded from the 8 overs bowled by Rodwell, Cansick and Hollis. The trio did create the odd chance here and there though, with one Cansick delivery causing the batsman to sky the ball high into the Clapham sky – Rodwell and Allison began to bound in, looking likely to make up the necessary ground, when a huge shout of “CANS” was heard, causing everyone to stop. Including, bizarrely, Cansick. And that was that.

Unfortunately, with the batsmen now swinging from the hip, there wasn’t too much our premier trio could do upon their return. Allison, the only bowler to go at an economy of under 10, raised spirits with a late wicket. I say Allison, and credit to the bowler, but it was a stunning catch in the deep by Hollis; the Golden Ducks enjoying a renaissance in the field. The renaissance lasted all of one ball, as Allison bowled a very good bowl next up to the new batsman, only for the ball to fall desperately through Cansick’s hands.

Brief amusement was provided by the DTL’s choice of sideline snacks – salmon paninis – but there wasn’t a plethora of smiles on show from the Ducks as the innings came to an end at 242/3. Credit must go to Arblaster (for his two wickets), Allison (for his useful economy) and Hollis (for his outstanding fielding). While it was a very good effort in parts, Cansick did acknowledge that "we let the bowling get away from us a little".

With a target of 243 on the board, the Ducks were determined to have some fun in the face of some dreary banter from an increasingly annoying DTL. Rodwell, opening with Cansick once more, was greeted with a cry of; “oiled your bat much lately?” Ignoring attempts to get in his head, Rodwell swiftly grabbed a single to bring Cansick on to strike. Unfortunately for Cansick, who hasn’t fared too well when opening, 4 balls later and he was gone for a duck. Cansick was perhaps put off by some of the fielders smoking, and it wasn’t long before Arblaster had enough and stormed on to demand some respect.

Next up, a clearly fuming Yarker came and went – unlucky to only last two balls, and he certainly wasn’t happy to have to leave the crease. On a positive note though, Yarker did manage to psyche the bowler into bowling a wide at him first up, meaning he avoided the dreaded duck.

Speaking of respect, plenty was being shown to the bowlers as Einmann and Rodwell grinded away against the new ball. Having been forced to listen to the DTL recite train stations for a good 10 minutes, Einsmann (11 off 25) might well have been pleased when he eventually departed. Saying that, it was unfortunate for Einsmann to get dismissed just when it seemed he was about to tee off against some of the secondary bowlers.

Having waited so long for his chance, Richards walked to the crease (having also had to listen to the DTL’s mindless chat), only to get a beauty first up, and thus take the long, slow walk back to the sideline with only a golden duck for company. Hollis was the next to join Rodwell at the crease, the pair combining for a bright’n’breezy partnership, characterised by some good running between the wickets; it’s not often you see a 3 run at the Clapham Common Oval!

A tiring Rodwell soon after reached his 50, which only actually contained two boundaries. One of the two boundaries was a highlight of the innings though, getting a big cheer from onlookers around the Oval. One of the DTL bowlers – to the bemusement even of his teammates – decided it would be funny to bowl a ‘windmill’ delivery. It was promptly despatched back past the bowler for 4.

The game was petering out at this stage, but after Hollis (13 off 13) was out, going for a big hit on the leg side, we were treated to some glorious stroke play from the classically trained Arblaster (8 off 7) and some lusty blows from Allison (13* off 11). Unfortunately, Allison was on the end of a lusty blow himself, with a short ball taking a nasty bounce right into his beaker. After a short break though, there was no stopping the man, who is now getting tantalisingly close to dragging his average above 10 thanks to a few cheeky not outs. At the other end, Rodwell, looking in decent form ahead of the one game that matters most, finished on 59* off of 37, helping to drag the team to 106, our highest score since 18th May.

Cansick was unsurprisingly “very disappointed with the lack of class shown by the opposition.” He was however pleased that the Ducks were “able to take some positives out of it on the batting side, such as the 50 from Rodwell” and gave a hint to team selection next week when suggesting that “[our shortcomings] can be rectified with the return of Coops for this weekend’s games, which take on huge significance.” In summation the skip gave a rallying cry to all, “We’ve reached the half way point in the season, and it’s time to start measuring our improvements and turning performances into victories.”

Let’s be honest now, the last 7 games have all just been a warm up. Next week is when things get real – see you there!

The Golden Ducks vs Clungely County, 08/06/2014

Clungely County 163/5
Allison 2/36
Rodwell 2/37

The Golden Ducks 105/7
Rodwell 29 (26)
Cooper 27 (17)

“When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.”

Sunday seems to mean one thing this summer; it’s set to be a scorcher. And this Sunday was no different, with temperatures exceeding an outrageous 26C (hotter than Barbados!). With the boys being cheered on by a lone duckling this week, the skip won the toss yet again, and he did of course continue tradition by choosing to field first.

The opposition this week were the hideously named Clungely County. Facing off against the only other team in the league (and probably one of the few remaining in England) not to have won a game this season, the Ducks sensed something of an opportunity, and Cansick said as much post-match; “There’s no doubt this was a game we were looking to win”. Experimental plans were devised for both the batting and the bowling order (when better to experiment than when you have a chance of victory?) and the boys took to the field in high hopes.

These hopes continued to get higher as Allison and Arblaster bowled a fine couple of opening overs. However, it was time for experiment number one: in came Rodwell for over number three. Things quickly turned sour as the opening batmen feasted on some rank bowling to take 20 off the over. All was not lost though, as Allison picked up his customary (yes, it was clean bowled) wicket in the next over, and in the process, also picked up at least a fiver off the skip thanks to his celebration!

As the opening bowlers finished off their first spells, there was something of a lull in the game as the revolving door policy continued – the next ‘set’ of bowlers up were Cooper, Cansick and Proctor. All bowled tidily enough, although Proctor clearly didn’t do enough to convince the skipper that he was worthy of more than two overs, despite going for less runs in his two than Rodwell did in his first. Proctor was said to be fuming at the decision and it adds another interesting chapter to the simmering rivalry between Cansick and Proctor.

Other than a rather bizarre innings by the opposition’s number three - who would either play and miss, or make Allison chase the ball around a swelteringly hot Clapham Common Oval - the only real moments of note during the middle overs were our characteristic dropped catches. The culprit this time? Cansick. On two occasions. In his defence, one was off his own bowling (so that doesn’t really count) and the other opportunity he had to deal with four guys running towards him screaming.

With the Clungely innings approaching the last five overs, the match suddenly burst into life. Captain Cansick, with plenty of options up his sleeve, decided to go rogue and give Rodwell a fourth, thus setting in motion a series of events that would see innumerable records tumble.

Despite being heckled from the sidelines, Rodwell continued bowling around the wicket and, having already served up plenty of long hops, finally found the yorker length he’d been striving for. What followed was not one wicket, but two, in two balls, both clean bowled! Rodwell, having given no thought to how he might celebrate, opted for the classic ‘Klinsmann Dive’. That marked the first occasion that a Ducks bowler has taken two wickets in a match, and also presented Rodwell with his best bowling figures in a Ducks shirt. Heady times indeed. But this was nothing on what was about to follow.

Cooper (one of four bowlers to post career-best figures, with 1-22), was chucked the ball next and was beginning to look more like the bowler we dread facing in the nets. Nonetheless, not wishing to take anything away from the bowler, but the wicket that fell in this next over was all about Barnie ‘Barn’ Proctor. A genuinely historical moment; our first ever catch (at what must’ve been the 20th attempt) and it was a stunner at that.

Words can’t do the catch justice, but it all seemed to happen in slow motion - Proctor effortlessly glided to his left and plucked the ball out of the air, almost as if he were grabbing an apple from a tree. A couple of seconds of silence followed, as the enormity of what had just happened started to sink in, before there was an eruption of joy and the fielders chased down the jubilant Proctor. Once the celebrations died down, Cooper and Proctor sharing a knowing nod; almost as if to say ‘all is forgiven’ following the run out debacle of weeks past.

This unfortunately brought Clungely’s free-hitting opener back to the crease, and people started to worry, but one man had other ideas about what would happen next. That man wasn’t Allison (who also posted a career-best bowling performance), it was Jonathan James Yarker, who took the most spectacular catch you are ever likely to see. As the ball flew towards JJ, in one smooth and glorious motion, Yarker sunk to one knee and flung his hands directly above his head. People couldn’t watch; was he about to receive another black eye? Alas, no, we witnessed a truly fine piece of fielding as the ball flew into Yarker’s big mits, naturally cuing more wild celebrations.

With the innings wrapping up shortly after this, The Ducks felt positive about chasing 164, especially with Gav ‘Pinch Hitter’ Richards promoted to the top of the order. Could it be?

Unfortunately not.

There weren’t as many exciting moments in our batting as in our bowling, but there were plenty of valiant efforts, and the records continued to tumble.

After a quiet couple of overs to start, the opening pair looked like they were ready to explode into life when fifteen runs were taken off the third. However, this was merely a false dawn, and things never did quite get going. Soon after, despite a bold effort, Richards was clean bowled for 12, attempting to push the run rate.

This brought Captain Cansick to the crease. His innings was similar to Richards’, and after stroking 9 (off 10), he set in motion a pattern that would continue for the rest of the innings – getting caught in the deep after going for a big stroke. Some may call it bad luck, but it was uncanny how often we found the fielders (and let’s not forget, there weren’t that many of them).

Rodwell (29 off 26) was desperately trying to up the run rate, and he thought he’d succeeded with an improvisatory shot down to the long leg boundary. However, he was merely the next to fall in this manner, only actually succeeding in finding the single fielder in a 40-yard radius. At this stage, the match was by no means over, but the run rate was gradually creeping towards 9/10 an over.

With Cooper still at the crease though, there was hope, and he was demonstrating some impressive hitting, including two mighty maximums. Unfortunately, having been taught a thing or two by messrs Proctor and Yarker earlier, Clungely were taking their chances in the field and thus the pattern continued; Cooper (27 off 17) eventually holed out to a fielder in the deep. Prior to Cooper’s dismissal, Proctor had fallen in the same manner, going for a huge shot off his second ball – selfless play from the man who’d earlier made history.

Yarker (9) and Arblaster (7) came to the crease and, with the match all but gone, were given license to play their natural game. The boys on the sideline were treated to some clean hitting and wonderful technique, but naturally the batsmen perished in the same manner as our previous four. All that was left was for Allison to come to the crease, have a bit of fun, and stake his claim for a higher place in the order; he managed a bit of everything in his entertaining 11* (off 10).

The defeat was confirmed, one that was perhaps “all the more frustrating considering our performance in the field was our best of the season. But, as with all our games to date, we have to build on the positives and address the negatives.” An optimistic Cansick continued, “I wouldn’t rule out the idea of a pinch hitter just yet, and the bowling attack did look a genuine threat throughout.” He finished with wise words though, proclaiming how he would “like to have a settled line up and game plan heading into the second half of the season.”

References are dotted throughout the report, but a special mention can actually be given to every player this week: Allison, Cansick, Cooper and Rodwell all posted their best bowling figures; Allison, Arblaster and Yarker contributed with their highest scores of the season; and who could forget Proctor and Yarker, providing us all with genuine moments of joy by taking those two spectacular catches.

Onwards and upwards Ducks, it’s not like we have to face the league’s best bowling unit next week, whilst dealing with an almighty hangover.

Oh wait…

The Golden Ducks vs The Entertainers, 01/06/2014

The Entertainers 174/1
Allison 1/46
Einsmann 0/24

The Golden Ducks 103 a.o.
Rodwell 40 (35)
Cooper 37 (29)

“Once you hear the details of victory, it is hard to distinguish it from a defeat.”

On another gloriously sunny day at the amphitheatre of dreams, The Golden Ducks were in a bullish mood heading into their match with The Entertainers. A late finish to the previous game only served to ramp up the atmosphere, the crowd at the Clapham Common Oval having been deprived of bat and ball for a fortnight.

An early blow was struck by Captain Cansick, calling the toss correctly and opting to go with the tried and tested formula of bowling first. Confidence was high after a solid Saturday net session, and all signs pointed to a genuine chance of that elusive first victory. On a completely unrelated note, The Entertainers took the unusual step of naming a female in their starting line-up.

Trepidation was the order of the day from the opposition batsmen. The customary hostility of Allison and Arblaster, again sharing the new ball, led to some indecisive prods which raised hopes of an achievable target. Sadly, as in previous weeks, wickets were not forthcoming although chances were; one whistled past Cansick at square leg off the bowling of Rodwell, the other hanging for an age before a valiant attempt from Yarker at mid off.

Before this however, there was drama in the outfield. Yarker, looking to stop a late cut, saw a wicked bounce send the ball careering into his left eye socket, leading to audible gasps from fielders and batsmen. Despite an appalling lack of concern from the Umpire, there was tremendous sportsmanship shown by the Entertainers batsman standing at square leg. Ignoring the egg quickly sprouting over his right eye, Yarker declared himself able to continue, and after a few splashes of water and sprinkling of inappropriate comments it was clear that this was one Duck in no mood to have his wings clipped.

The Ducks bowlers continued to find a good line and length, and Allison was able to perform his customary celebration after his equally customary clean-bowled solitary wicket. Unfortunately, a late flurry of runs from an otherwise quiet batsman – who before this game had averaged 1.33 at a strike rate of 50 – saw the innings get away from them a little. The target was set at 175, an improvement on the previous match.

Cooper, despite having an off day with the ball, set about cementing his new position at the top of the order with some early leg-side glances, in the face of the quickest opposition bowling seen this season. At the other end Rodwell looked edgy, playing and missing on several occasions, as visions of a buxom blonde sending his off stump cartwheeling seemed to impair his judgement. Quite why this should be the case is still the source of much confusion, particularly in light of the glee with which he reported news of the Umpire’s fondness for his enthusiasm.

As bowling changes were made and the ball began to deteriorate, Rodwell and Cooper looked well placed to register the first century stand for the Ducks before a controversial LBW call brought hopes of a ten wicket victory tumbling down. A disgruntled Cooper (37 from 29) was forced to accept an Umpiring decision that did little to allay fears of spot fixing filtering further down the cricketing ladder.

Despite this setback, Cansick and Rodwell set about upping the run rate which was now hovering around ten an over. There were some fluent strokes coupled with quick running between the wicket, but it was the latter which was to prove Rodwell’s undoing. His straight drive was palmed to a halt by the diving bowler, and with Cansick marauding down the wicket it was left to Rodwell (40 from 35) to watch the bails removed from the non-strikers end.

With the Ducks starting to slip even further behind, a sheepish Cansick set about upping the run rate with new batsman Richards, but as the saying goes, ‘what goes around comes around,’ and despite a despairing dive the captain was run out having optimistically called for a second run.

Sadly for the watching contingent of Ducklings, this signalled a collapse of truly English proportions. A combined total of 100 from the top three was supplemented by just three from the entire middle order and tail. The final overs became particularly tortuous due to the bowling on show, for which a description of ‘pedestrian’ would be extremely generous.

“This is one we could, and perhaps should, have won,” bemoaned the skipper. “There were undoubted improvements in the shape of a reduced opposition total and a solid opening partnership, but the run rate is something we have to address when chasing a target.”

“I still think it’s a good sign that we’re disappointed, as it reinforces my belief that we are becoming more and more competitive, but there’s a shelf life for that kind of optimism. We need to start winning.”

Only three matches remain before the half way point of the season, and hopes remain high within the Ducks camp that the return fixtures will yield a significant improvement in results. As has been demonstrated by the aggressive encouragement of Einsmann, there is a renewed vigour in both matches and practice; a spring in the step of the bowlers, and a steely determination in the eyes of the batsmen.

It was Voltaire who proclaimed, “Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable.”

Clearly he never played cricket.

The Golden Ducks vs Ball Shiners, 18/05/2014

Ball Shiners 185/1
Allison 1/26
Einsmann 0/14

The Golden Ducks 152/6
Rodwell 50* (29)
Richards 42 (22)

“And even when I was close to defeat, I rose to my feet”

Before we kick things off, there are a few things that you can be certain will happen in a TGD game. 1) We’ll get a wicket in the opening few overs, clean bowled 2) We won’t take many wickets 3) We’ll drop at least one catch, if not more 4) Someone will get a golden duck.

On a splendidly sunny day, under clear blue skies, the ducks emerged onto the gloriously green grass of the Clapham Common Oval to shouts of “come on you ducks!” There must have been thousands of people scattered across the common, but only a few of those had any interest in The Ducks; The Ducklings were certainly making their presence felt on the sidelines though.

With The Golden Ducks bowling first, the usual opening partnership of Allison and Arblaster took the new ball, and as anticipated, after a few tight overs early on, Allison pushed through his fast one, slightly back of a good length, which promptly clattered into the top of middle. As the bails went flying into the air, The Ducks also took flight, into the infamous ‘quacking ducks’ celebration (footage of which has yet to appear, despite being videoed by the umpire). As the batsman strode off dejected, the relaxed Ducks (with Proctor in for Yarker this week) chatted and joked about how we only ever clean bowled people, probably expecting more wickets to fall.

However, as the opening bowlers tired in the afternoon sun, and with over restrictions in mind, Cansick had to start rotating his bowlers, moving onto Coops and Rodwell first, before eventually introducing Einsmann and Proctor into the attack. Einsmann – very economical in his spell – could unfortunately only bowl two overs due to a glute injury sustained at nets. Regardless, despite the odd four and six, no bowler got truly taken apart (as against Dicket) with most bowling economies hovering around the 10 an over mark.

Allison (1/26) delivered a very tidy final over that capped off a solid fielding effort from The Ducks. Captain Cansick was “pleased that the basics, such as backing up in the field, are becoming second nature now [and] particularly impressed with how Gav is growing into his role behind the stumps.” Indeed, a special mention must go to Richards, described as a ‘revelation’ by Allison recently. Of course, no report covering our fielding would be complete without mentioning the time-honored dropped catches. The two unfortunate entrants this week were: Arblaster, who was unlucky to drop a low chance, and Proctor, who awkwardly juggled a skier, before getting (deservedly) heckled on the boundary.

With 186 required to win, The Ducks needed a few things to go their way in order to stand a chance. Another list feels appropriate here: 1) Try and not lose early wickets 2) Get some solid contributions from a number of batsmen 3) Attempt to score at a decent strike rate 4) Make sure we don’t give any of our batsman out when there’s absolutely no need to.

With the recent spate of matchfixing allegations still swirling around cricket like a bad smell, there was always a worry about number 4 on that list, especially with the little known Barn Proctor – a fresh-faced import from Nottinghamshire – making only his second appearance.

Cansick and Rodwell went about their early business fairly efficiently. They had decided the best approach would be to try and see off the opening bowlers in the hope of kicking on later in the innings, and I think it can be said that they did that with relative success. Whilst Cansick looked fluent and hit a couple of nice boundaries in his innings, Rodwell’s innings can best be described as obdurate. Whilst poking and prodding around in the opening overs, Rodwell also survived what must have been about 8 LBW shouts.

As Cansick eventually fell (23 off 14) to a ball that nipped through the gate, the big-hitting Coops marched to the crease, clearly meaning business. As Rodwell looked to try and push on, Coops made a very comfortable start with a solid 7 off of 6 balls. However, things were about to take a turn for the worst. Rodwell called Cooper through for a quick single, and the rest – as they say – is history.

The throw in from the field was a direct hit, but the whole of Clapham Common was certain that Coops was in, or at worst, it was a marginal call that should 'go upstairs' to the TV umpire. Of course, we have no TV umpire so the actual umpire was happy to give it not out.

With play set to resume, suddenly a rather loud squeaking could be heard over the gentle buzz of the common, it seemed to be coming from square leg. Suddenly, a huge rat was walking towards the crease, his crooked finger raised. The Ball Shiners celebrated what was essentially a free wicket, and Cooper had no choice but to trudge off to the sidelines, distraught and furious in equal measures. Proctor was later heard to snivel, “I fancied a bat so I gave him out”.

Nevertheless, the show had to go on. Proctor tried valiantly to increase the scoring rate and managed a respectable 8 off of 10, but he was soon on his way. I’ll let you guess how he was out.

That brought man of the moment, Gav Richards, to the crease with the required rate approached 11 an over. With time seemingly flying, and no one quite able to concentrate after the earlier incident, Rodwell actually then had to retire, having bagged the team’s first 50 (off of 29 balls) of the season, and well, ever. This brought the German Destroyer in.

With two of our most destructive hitters at the crease, it wasn’t just the temperature that was hotting up. The ducklings were on their feet, Charles was, as per usual, dancing all over the pitch, and the excitement was reaching fever pitch. Once both batsmen had got their eye in, the ball was soon flying to all parts. Fours were smashed all around the ground and Richards hit a remarkably sweet six to further excite the frenetic boundary-dwellers. It’s hard to pick a favourite shot, but Einsmann’s slog sweep to cow corner was particularly delightful.

And so it came down to the last over: a total of 35 was required, an all-but-impossible target. We managed a solitary single.

In a slightly unsavoury, and fairly unnecessary incident, Richards (42 off 22) and Einsmann (24 off 11) were victims of a ratty ‘double play’. Richards, in search of as many runs as he could get, hoisted the ball high into the air, and was duly caught – Einsmann at this point made sure he was ‘in’ the crease. Unbeknownst to all of us, Einsmann was actually in the wrong crease, and then run out!

The innings descended into vague farce at this point. After a scramble for pads and whatnot, the AA partnership strolled to the crease to see off the last few balls with no more dramatics. Allison, however, was determined for his moment of glory and promptly ran out Arblaster – meaning he was the cruel recipient of a golden duck. No one was quite sure what happened on the final ball as Allison once again charged around, but we do know that Charles didn’t hit 34 off the final ball, and thus the match was lost.

At this point I’ll hand over to the skipper, who was “very pleased. A much improved performance in every aspect of our game. We're unrecognisable from our first match.” When asked if he was gutted to have got so close, he firmly responded, “Certainly not gutted, but it's a good sign the question is being asked.” He pondered where improvements could be made – “We just have to keep working in the nets as the intangibles are already there” before eventually postulating, “Thinking back to our first game, I mentioned little targets would be a good place to start; we're starting to tick them off now. We can genuinely start thinking about getting our first win now, and we'll head into any match knowing we can be competitive if we apply ourselves properly.”

To finish off the report, I’ll leave you with one last quote – “Before success comes in any man's life he is sure to meet with much temporary defeat and, perhaps, some failures. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and most logical thing to do is to quit. That is exactly what the majority of men do.”

The Golden Ducks are not the majority of men.

The Golden Ducks vs Dicket, 11/05/2014

Dicket 235/2
Arblaster 1/34
Rodwell 1/56

The Golden Ducks 99 a/o
Cooper 33(31)
Einsmann 24(25)

“You've got to learn to survive a defeat. That's when you develop character.”

As the wind swirled high above the Clapham Common Oval, the young Ducks - looking resplendent in their glorious new kit - eagerly prepared for what was sure to be a challenging afternoon. With the opposition still nowhere to be seen at 14:39, the mood was one of disgust rather than relief; symbolic of the character that is already growing amongst the keen group of lads.

Dicket did eventually show their faces, and after a quick conversation, The Golden Ducks took to the field. As with last week, Allison and Arblaster took the new ball. The 'double-A' partnership, as they have already become known, didn't fail to disappoint. An excellent line and length was exhibited from both bowlers, and sure enough, something soon gave. Arblaster steamed in time and time again, and this time managed to blast a ball right through the opening batsman’s defense to pick up his first wicket. This naturally cued wild celebrations from The Ducks who sensed an opportunity. Was an upset on the cards? In short, no.

Despite a solid team bowling effort – far better than what was on display against TBONTB – the belligerent Kiwis (and Jan Koller) continued to smash the ball to all parts. Our effort wasn’t helped by, let’s just say, some indifferent fielding. Time and time again, the ball went straight up, ‘CATCH IT!’ Yarker would scream. But the result was the same every time. Conservative estimates suggest 6-9 catches were dropped and as a result, we left approx 40-60 runs out there on the pitch.

Nevertheless, spirits remained high and eventually a small reward came in the form of a second wicket, this time picked up by Rodwell, again clean bowled. No finer sight in cricket than a stump cartwheeling out of its plastic base. As a sidenote, our record thus far in the bowling department – 3 wickets, all bowled. We may not get many wickets, but when we do, we sure do it in style. Maybe that’s why we’re scared of catching anyone out.

A special shout has to go out to Richards – to find out you’re keeping only 3 minutes before the game starts, and to then give a performance behind the stumps that Jack Russell would’ve been proud of; it takes a special talent to produce something like that. Also, for our bowling unit – Churchill once said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going”, and I think we can safely say they did just that.

Anyway, I digress, Dicket finished on what looked like an unbeatable 235. And thus, the task was simple – find the gaps, keep the scoreboard ticking over, and don’t get out for a golden duck. Cansick duly obliged, and whilst he got out for what all thought was a ‘diamond duck’, I happened to stumble upon this glorious explanation; “A batsman who is captain of his or her team and is dismissed for a duck on the first ball of his or her team's innings is said to be out for a "Kryptonite duck".” Thanks Wikipedia.

As Cansick returned to the sideline, greeted by dancing ducks, Coops meaningfully strode to the crease. He and Rodwell were tasked with building an innings, and after Coops successfully saw out an over from the deadly left-armer, Rodwell decided to take things into his own hands – one of the bowlers dropped short and in glorious slow-mo, Rodwell rocked back and effortlessly hoisted one over the square leg boundary (we’ll ignore the fact it was a free hit). Unfortunately, a few pokes and prods later, and Rodwell was out (14 off of 15), caught again. Before he had even had time to down a lukewarm stella on the sideline, Yarker had also fallen – our first official golden duck. Yarker was obviously too keen to get on the beers.

So, two wickets added to the score (classic Boycott Bingoism) for no runs, and another rebuilding job in order. Richards, cheered on by his WAG, and Coops added a very solid 20 or so, before Richards also perished, caught out, finishing with a solid 8 (12). That brought foreign import, and debutant, Einsmann to the crease. Thus followed an exciting partnership, with Einsmann exhibiting a variety of strokes in his 24 (25) and Coops continued in a similar vein before eventually falling for an excellent 33 (31). The dismissal was officially given as a run out, although no one’s quite sure what happened. A nice moment for the Ducks during that partnership came when Dicket finally dropped a catch of their own, leading to muffled cheers on the sidelines and ensuring the Ducks lived up to their team motto.

The end was nigh and with Arblaster and Allison producing identical innings – 3 off of 5, bowled – the match came to an end and the team could decamp to the boozer, having fallen agonizingly short of 3 figures. With Captain Cansick too distraught to comment, it was left up to Chairman Charles to offer up his tuppence, "Many creases [were] ironed out, but I still wouldn't wear the shirt to a big board meeting." It must be said though; among the positives yesterday were the field placings from Captain Cansick. Numerous times the ball flew high into the swirling air, and there was almost always a fielder there.

Unfortunately, not one of those chances was gobbled by the hungry Ducks.

The Golden Ducks vs Two Bats, 27/04/2014

The Golden Ducks 76 a/o

Cansick 26 (31)
Rodwell 18 (17)

Two Bats or Not to Bat 77/1

Allison 1/20
Arblaster 0/13

“Anyone can deal with victory. Only the mighty can bear defeat.”

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly where it all went wrong for The Golden Ducks on a cloudy, overcast day at the Clapham Common Oval. Captain Cansick’s brutal bout of food poisoning, stand-in skipper Rodwell incorrectly calling tails at the toss, Allison’s torturous six-ball duck, or Proctor missing what must go down as one of the easiest run out chances in recent history. Take your pick. Of course, one might say the writing was on the wall at 4am that morning as over half the team stumbled back from Shoreditch having consumed their body weight in Jägerbombs.

Either way, we (just about) had a full complement of men and with the toss having been lost, there was still optimism in the air as Coops and Barn strode to the crease, practicing their full array of shots on the walk in. With the first over survived, dreams of a first win were already starting to cross minds, but any hopefulness soon evaporated into the air as our first three wickets tumbled. All three were clean bowled.

A rebuilding job was required from Cansick and Rodwell, and the two didn’t completely disappoint. Cansick kept the board ticking over on his way to a team high 26, off of only 31 balls, whilst Rodwell found space on both sides of the wicket in his 18 off 17, also hitting The Golden Ducks’ first ever boundary during his innings.

We were never able to halt the flow of wickets though. Once Rodwell departed, Allison hit an erratic 0 – gaining the honour of being the first official duck – and Richards struck a bright and breezy 6. The most controversial moment of the innings came with Arblaster’s dismissal – a wide ball thudded into the Yorkshireman’s thigh, and before the opposition could turn around and break into a muted appeal, the umpire’s finger was already raised. Whilst the defeat cannot be completely blamed on the umpire’s performance, there has been speculation of an official complaint. On the other hand, Rodwell may be deemed fortunate not to be fined his match fee for continued dissent.

With 17.1 overs on the board, Cansick eventually fell, desperately trying to accelerate the scoring rate, and thus ended the innings – 76 all out. Only two batsmen managed to get more than six. A nice touch was to follow though as the Ducks formed a tunnel of glory for the heroic batsman, who had this to say after the match, ‘It's still early days and we've yet to decide on our best bowling attack and batting order, but for the time being the focus is on all-round improvement - both with bat & ball and in the field.’

After a quick turnaround, the Ducks were back out on the pitch, knowing an early wicket was a must. The new-ball pairing of Arblaster and Allison were more than solid, creating chances, bowling on a tight line and keeping the scoring rate down. With the Ducks starting to believe a miracle could happen, and the opposition getting frustrated by the lack of runs, one of the openers set off on a suicidal run.

What happened next will go down in Ducks folklore - the ball fell to Cooper and he lobbed an inch-perfect throw right into the hands of Proctor. Yarker came running into to celebrate, Richards and Arblaster started to go for high-fives, and then the unthinkable happened! An eternity seemed to pass as Proctor scrambled around like a helpless seal, eventually allowing the aforementioned opener to get back into his crease before the bails were finally whipped off.

This clearly fired Allison up as he sent down a beauty in the next to pick up the Ducks’ first ever wicket – clean bowled no less, and well deserved after a pleasing opening spell. Unfortunately, this was the high point. With the bowlers having to be rotated, TBONTB sensed an opportunity and a succession of loose balls, wides and misfields meant the match soon came to an end, the total chased down after exactly 10 overs.

Were there positives? Sure. Were there negatives? When isn’t there. To paraphrase the ‘Little Master’, “As far as the [Clapham Sunday League] is concerned, it is a process. We don't want to jump to the 50th floor straight away. We must start on the ground floor.”

Proctor offered a reasonable insight into his performance, “Not happy with my batting, bowling a good place to build from” and more importantly, some inspirational words from our ailing skipper, “The sooner we can get the first win on the board the better, but as long as we're showing an improvement from game to game I'll be happy. Small landmarks will make a difference; getting past 100, someone making a 50, things like that. But there's no guarantee that will win you a game, so let’s just take each game as it comes without setting any specific targets.”

One final quote for you to ponder over, “That's what learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how we lose and how we've changed because of it and what we take away from it that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious way, is winning.” Never truer words spoken…

Onwards and upwards! ‪#‎quackquack‬