The Golden Ducks vs The Entertainers, 01/06/2014

The Entertainers 174/1
Allison 1/46
Einsmann 0/24

The Golden Ducks 103 a.o.
Rodwell 40 (35)
Cooper 37 (29)

“Once you hear the details of victory, it is hard to distinguish it from a defeat.”

On another gloriously sunny day at the amphitheatre of dreams, The Golden Ducks were in a bullish mood heading into their match with The Entertainers. A late finish to the previous game only served to ramp up the atmosphere, the crowd at the Clapham Common Oval having been deprived of bat and ball for a fortnight.

An early blow was struck by Captain Cansick, calling the toss correctly and opting to go with the tried and tested formula of bowling first. Confidence was high after a solid Saturday net session, and all signs pointed to a genuine chance of that elusive first victory. On a completely unrelated note, The Entertainers took the unusual step of naming a female in their starting line-up.

Trepidation was the order of the day from the opposition batsmen. The customary hostility of Allison and Arblaster, again sharing the new ball, led to some indecisive prods which raised hopes of an achievable target. Sadly, as in previous weeks, wickets were not forthcoming although chances were; one whistled past Cansick at square leg off the bowling of Rodwell, the other hanging for an age before a valiant attempt from Yarker at mid off.

Before this however, there was drama in the outfield. Yarker, looking to stop a late cut, saw a wicked bounce send the ball careering into his left eye socket, leading to audible gasps from fielders and batsmen. Despite an appalling lack of concern from the Umpire, there was tremendous sportsmanship shown by the Entertainers batsman standing at square leg. Ignoring the egg quickly sprouting over his right eye, Yarker declared himself able to continue, and after a few splashes of water and sprinkling of inappropriate comments it was clear that this was one Duck in no mood to have his wings clipped.

The Ducks bowlers continued to find a good line and length, and Allison was able to perform his customary celebration after his equally customary clean-bowled solitary wicket. Unfortunately, a late flurry of runs from an otherwise quiet batsman – who before this game had averaged 1.33 at a strike rate of 50 – saw the innings get away from them a little. The target was set at 175, an improvement on the previous match.

Cooper, despite having an off day with the ball, set about cementing his new position at the top of the order with some early leg-side glances, in the face of the quickest opposition bowling seen this season. At the other end Rodwell looked edgy, playing and missing on several occasions, as visions of a buxom blonde sending his off stump cartwheeling seemed to impair his judgement. Quite why this should be the case is still the source of much confusion, particularly in light of the glee with which he reported news of the Umpire’s fondness for his enthusiasm.

As bowling changes were made and the ball began to deteriorate, Rodwell and Cooper looked well placed to register the first century stand for the Ducks before a controversial LBW call brought hopes of a ten wicket victory tumbling down. A disgruntled Cooper (37 from 29) was forced to accept an Umpiring decision that did little to allay fears of spot fixing filtering further down the cricketing ladder.

Despite this setback, Cansick and Rodwell set about upping the run rate which was now hovering around ten an over. There were some fluent strokes coupled with quick running between the wicket, but it was the latter which was to prove Rodwell’s undoing. His straight drive was palmed to a halt by the diving bowler, and with Cansick marauding down the wicket it was left to Rodwell (40 from 35) to watch the bails removed from the non-strikers end.

With the Ducks starting to slip even further behind, a sheepish Cansick set about upping the run rate with new batsman Richards, but as the saying goes, ‘what goes around comes around,’ and despite a despairing dive the captain was run out having optimistically called for a second run.

Sadly for the watching contingent of Ducklings, this signalled a collapse of truly English proportions. A combined total of 100 from the top three was supplemented by just three from the entire middle order and tail. The final overs became particularly tortuous due to the bowling on show, for which a description of ‘pedestrian’ would be extremely generous.

“This is one we could, and perhaps should, have won,” bemoaned the skipper. “There were undoubted improvements in the shape of a reduced opposition total and a solid opening partnership, but the run rate is something we have to address when chasing a target.”

“I still think it’s a good sign that we’re disappointed, as it reinforces my belief that we are becoming more and more competitive, but there’s a shelf life for that kind of optimism. We need to start winning.”

Only three matches remain before the half way point of the season, and hopes remain high within the Ducks camp that the return fixtures will yield a significant improvement in results. As has been demonstrated by the aggressive encouragement of Einsmann, there is a renewed vigour in both matches and practice; a spring in the step of the bowlers, and a steely determination in the eyes of the batsmen.

It was Voltaire who proclaimed, “Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable.”

Clearly he never played cricket.