Ball Shiners 185/1
Allison 1/26
Einsmann 0/14
Allison 1/26
Einsmann 0/14
The Golden Ducks 152/6
Rodwell 50* (29)
Richards 42 (22)
Rodwell 50* (29)
Richards 42 (22)
“And even when I was close to defeat, I rose to my feet”
Before we kick things off, there are a few things that you can be certain will happen in a TGD game. 1) We’ll get a wicket in the opening few overs, clean bowled 2) We won’t take many wickets 3) We’ll drop at least one catch, if not more 4) Someone will get a golden duck.
On a splendidly sunny day, under clear blue skies, the ducks emerged onto the gloriously green grass of the Clapham Common Oval to shouts of “come on you ducks!” There must have been thousands of people scattered across the common, but only a few of those had any interest in The Ducks; The Ducklings were certainly making their presence felt on the sidelines though.
With The Golden Ducks bowling first, the usual opening partnership of Allison and Arblaster took the new ball, and as anticipated, after a few tight overs early on, Allison pushed through his fast one, slightly back of a good length, which promptly clattered into the top of middle. As the bails went flying into the air, The Ducks also took flight, into the infamous ‘quacking ducks’ celebration (footage of which has yet to appear, despite being videoed by the umpire). As the batsman strode off dejected, the relaxed Ducks (with Proctor in for Yarker this week) chatted and joked about how we only ever clean bowled people, probably expecting more wickets to fall.
However, as the opening bowlers tired in the afternoon sun, and with over restrictions in mind, Cansick had to start rotating his bowlers, moving onto Coops and Rodwell first, before eventually introducing Einsmann and Proctor into the attack. Einsmann – very economical in his spell – could unfortunately only bowl two overs due to a glute injury sustained at nets. Regardless, despite the odd four and six, no bowler got truly taken apart (as against Dicket) with most bowling economies hovering around the 10 an over mark.
Allison (1/26) delivered a very tidy final over that capped off a solid fielding effort from The Ducks. Captain Cansick was “pleased that the basics, such as backing up in the field, are becoming second nature now [and] particularly impressed with how Gav is growing into his role behind the stumps.” Indeed, a special mention must go to Richards, described as a ‘revelation’ by Allison recently. Of course, no report covering our fielding would be complete without mentioning the time-honored dropped catches. The two unfortunate entrants this week were: Arblaster, who was unlucky to drop a low chance, and Proctor, who awkwardly juggled a skier, before getting (deservedly) heckled on the boundary.
With 186 required to win, The Ducks needed a few things to go their way in order to stand a chance. Another list feels appropriate here: 1) Try and not lose early wickets 2) Get some solid contributions from a number of batsmen 3) Attempt to score at a decent strike rate 4) Make sure we don’t give any of our batsman out when there’s absolutely no need to.
With the recent spate of matchfixing allegations still swirling around cricket like a bad smell, there was always a worry about number 4 on that list, especially with the little known Barn Proctor – a fresh-faced import from Nottinghamshire – making only his second appearance.
Cansick and Rodwell went about their early business fairly efficiently. They had decided the best approach would be to try and see off the opening bowlers in the hope of kicking on later in the innings, and I think it can be said that they did that with relative success. Whilst Cansick looked fluent and hit a couple of nice boundaries in his innings, Rodwell’s innings can best be described as obdurate. Whilst poking and prodding around in the opening overs, Rodwell also survived what must have been about 8 LBW shouts.
As Cansick eventually fell (23 off 14) to a ball that nipped through the gate, the big-hitting Coops marched to the crease, clearly meaning business. As Rodwell looked to try and push on, Coops made a very comfortable start with a solid 7 off of 6 balls. However, things were about to take a turn for the worst. Rodwell called Cooper through for a quick single, and the rest – as they say – is history.
The throw in from the field was a direct hit, but the whole of Clapham Common was certain that Coops was in, or at worst, it was a marginal call that should 'go upstairs' to the TV umpire. Of course, we have no TV umpire so the actual umpire was happy to give it not out.
With play set to resume, suddenly a rather loud squeaking could be heard over the gentle buzz of the common, it seemed to be coming from square leg. Suddenly, a huge rat was walking towards the crease, his crooked finger raised. The Ball Shiners celebrated what was essentially a free wicket, and Cooper had no choice but to trudge off to the sidelines, distraught and furious in equal measures. Proctor was later heard to snivel, “I fancied a bat so I gave him out”.
Nevertheless, the show had to go on. Proctor tried valiantly to increase the scoring rate and managed a respectable 8 off of 10, but he was soon on his way. I’ll let you guess how he was out.
That brought man of the moment, Gav Richards, to the crease with the required rate approached 11 an over. With time seemingly flying, and no one quite able to concentrate after the earlier incident, Rodwell actually then had to retire, having bagged the team’s first 50 (off of 29 balls) of the season, and well, ever. This brought the German Destroyer in.
With two of our most destructive hitters at the crease, it wasn’t just the temperature that was hotting up. The ducklings were on their feet, Charles was, as per usual, dancing all over the pitch, and the excitement was reaching fever pitch. Once both batsmen had got their eye in, the ball was soon flying to all parts. Fours were smashed all around the ground and Richards hit a remarkably sweet six to further excite the frenetic boundary-dwellers. It’s hard to pick a favourite shot, but Einsmann’s slog sweep to cow corner was particularly delightful.
And so it came down to the last over: a total of 35 was required, an all-but-impossible target. We managed a solitary single.
In a slightly unsavoury, and fairly unnecessary incident, Richards (42 off 22) and Einsmann (24 off 11) were victims of a ratty ‘double play’. Richards, in search of as many runs as he could get, hoisted the ball high into the air, and was duly caught – Einsmann at this point made sure he was ‘in’ the crease. Unbeknownst to all of us, Einsmann was actually in the wrong crease, and then run out!
The innings descended into vague farce at this point. After a scramble for pads and whatnot, the AA partnership strolled to the crease to see off the last few balls with no more dramatics. Allison, however, was determined for his moment of glory and promptly ran out Arblaster – meaning he was the cruel recipient of a golden duck. No one was quite sure what happened on the final ball as Allison once again charged around, but we do know that Charles didn’t hit 34 off the final ball, and thus the match was lost.
At this point I’ll hand over to the skipper, who was “very pleased. A much improved performance in every aspect of our game. We're unrecognisable from our first match.” When asked if he was gutted to have got so close, he firmly responded, “Certainly not gutted, but it's a good sign the question is being asked.” He pondered where improvements could be made – “We just have to keep working in the nets as the intangibles are already there” before eventually postulating, “Thinking back to our first game, I mentioned little targets would be a good place to start; we're starting to tick them off now. We can genuinely start thinking about getting our first win now, and we'll head into any match knowing we can be competitive if we apply ourselves properly.”
To finish off the report, I’ll leave you with one last quote – “Before success comes in any man's life he is sure to meet with much temporary defeat and, perhaps, some failures. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and most logical thing to do is to quit. That is exactly what the majority of men do.”
The Golden Ducks are not the majority of men.
